True Life: I get swass

I wasn’t kidding when I said I embarrass myself daily, and here is further proof. This story if so classic and typical of myself, I’m not even phased…

Let me take you back to Friday for a moment. My friends picked me up from the train and drove us straight to the bar for our other friend’s birthday party. I didn’t have time to do my makeup that morning, so I did it in the car. The outing was also unexpected, so I did not plan my outfit accordingly, didn’t even shower, and my hair was in a ponytail. I normally don’t like to admit I feel ugly, because I think it comes across as pathetic – but that night it was the truth. I just wasn’t on my A-game and I was certainly not expecting to attract the opposite sex. But somehow, amazingly, I did. I met a cute guy who actually reciprocated interest IN REAL LIFE, not online! This is what dreams are made of.

Anyways, he asked me to get coffee later in the weekend, which brings me to today, and the actual point of this story. The date was amazing. Conversation was flowing, sparks were flying, and my mind was secretly planning our 1-year anniversary weekend getaway to the Cape. Everything was great, except for one thing. I could feel myself profusely sweating – and not in a normal place like my armpits. Nope. It was my butt. This was an epic case of “swass,” as the kids call it. And of course I was wearing a light blue chambray dress that showed everything. The more I thought about it, the worse it became. Plus, the 85 degree weather and metal chair was not helping anything.

I was absolutely dreading standing up. Do I say something, or play it cool like it’s no big deal? Will he think I peed my pants? Is this how it all ends? My mind was racing, but there was no way to put off the inevitable any longer. As I stood up I realized it was worse than I thought. My dress was so damp that it was fused to the back my thighs. So. Gross. He somehow didn’t seem to notice my panicked attempt to peel the fabric off of my skin. Plus, I was walking next to him so I thought there was a chance his eyes would be spared the awful sight. But as we weaved through the narrowly parked cars, I was forced to go in front of him. There was absolutely no way he could have not seen my disastrous situation.

He never said anything, but he did kiss me! I guess I may never know if he saw my swass, or if he even cared. I asked my cousin if I should be mortified, and she said, “Well, you could be. But what’s the point?”

So I choose to let it go and just laugh about it. And you should totally laugh about it too! It certainly beats the alternative.

P.S. – we’ve already made plans to hang out again! Fingers crossed xo

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